the pessimist

 

I just felt like roasting myself tonight

I’ve gone inside myself to try and find out what is in there.  Everyone likes to think that there is a deeper meaning in life.  Rather life being a tragic farce in which you are never truly happy.  Only the illusion of happiness sprinkled in occasionally with boredom and disappointment.  Pessimism seems to be a handy remedy when dealing with existential crises.  What’s the meaning of life?  Who really cares?  The times we are most emotionally stable are in times of indifference.  Learning to let go of the things we cannot control is probably the greatest trait for one to possess.  The main motivation for my writing is based entirely on masochism and trying to not be one of the fucking idiots that I deal with on a daily basis.  I try to think that I’m deep and intelligent but in reality I’m just an insecure misogynist with commitment issues.  I’ve heard that hatred of others is just a projection of hatred of ones self and I believe it.  But once again we come to the “accept the things we cannot change” concept.  I’ve made mistakes that I have learned from and some that I haven’t.  At the very least I try to be aware of myself and remain humble at all times.

 

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One thought on “the pessimist

  1. It’s funny we both are feeling existential this week. Probably has something to do with all the alcohol. Illusion of connectedness while inebriated meets the painful emptiness of the hangover. I think ‘roasting’ oneself is healthy and necessary. It takes self-awareness and wisdom. The people who don’t live their lives not knowing what they believe in. Some of the things you brought up remind me of Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. I read it about 7 years ago and can’t believe how much I look back at it, look back at it.. You may have read it, but if not, you can borrow my 8th copy if you want. (people always steal it)

    “Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.”

    “We discover that we do not know our role; we look for a mirror; we want to remove our make-up and take off what is false and real. But somewhere a piece of disguise that we forgot still sticks to us. A trace of exaggeration remains in our eyebrows; we do not notice that the corners of our mouth are bent. And so we walk around, a mockery and a mere half: neither having achieved being nor actors.”

    ― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

    Dude is a G.

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